AM
I was really happy to wake up to a message of you saying my Dad was coming to visit you today. I know he gives really good hugs and I hope you felt the benefit of one.
... I don't know where I am today baby. I'm lost somewhere. The autumn went away and what remains feels a little bleak - just grey, cold and emptiness. Winter is about cosiness, it's blustering in from the cold and there you are with a bowl of hot corn chowder waiting for me, it's cuddling up with hot water bottles and films, it's listening to the wind whilst we're safely tucked inside. This winter fills me with dread if I am being completely honest, but mostly because I just feel so far away.
PM
Went out to the local mall to do a bit of mooching about - didn't buy anything but I enjoyed seeing the shops and stuff. After that we went out for lunch at a buffet style place called the Manderin - it is strictly Chinese but had lots of different kinds of food. As is tradition in those kind of places I was given a fortune cookie after the meal. It read:
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I looked at it and thought "I really, truly hope so". It was the little bit of encouragement I needed at that moment - it is all going to be worth it isn't it sweetpea? I just need to see your face again and I know all this fear and doubt will melt away. It made me smile quietly to myself after my challenge of a meal and I have kept it to give to you for your notice board too. A little affirmation in a cookie.
After we came back from lunch I just spent some time in the house. I put some music on for the first time in quite a few days - for some reason I have been finding music difficult at times - because of it's powerful affect on my mood. I'm trying to stay as level as possible. It was good to be able to have a chance to chat to you for a while through messages too. I am absolutely over the moon that you're going to be able to come out and see me on Monday when I land back - you have no idea how much that made my day. I need a snuggle so badly now, I'm physically aching with longing to be near you.
Later on we went back out to The Patch - which is the place I mentioned to you yesterday, the clothing place. I got some bits as a gift from Mum, fleecy navy tights (essential) and a jumper and a shirt that I picked mostly because I knew you'd like me in it. When you come to Canada with me next time I am going to have to take you there because it is a Sausage heaven. I think I am shopped out now for the trip. I bought myself some fleece lined slipper things that fit perfectly inside my Rubysaur - no more being cold for me! Well ... less chance anyway.
I feel like I don't want to end this blog to you today - I want to keep writing and talking to you but I have little left to say - my need to feel you close is that strong this day. Day 16.
But day 16 is now drawing to a close - bed time for us both (I'm still on Sausage time) and one day closer to being reunited.
Love Mousey xx
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