I wasn't good yesterday at all - pure Sausage withdrawal I think but I woke up this morning a bit more positive and looking forward to seeing you today. I'm feeling a lot of anger at our situation today, I'm annoyed that is because of being trapped in my own head and my own disorder that I haven't been even able to write this blog to you for the past few days.
Yesterday at SEED we began to work on making "Recovery Scrapbooks" - it's a lovely idea, to be filled with things that motivate us, inspirational imagery, quotes and affirmations. It is something I am going to continue working on as I feel it is important to have a visual representation and a reminder... That said I have a visual reminder everytime I look at your face. This is why I'm feeling so much anger - I know what I want, I know that you want it too and I have never lost sight of it - I know exactly where I want to be, why I have to keep fighting, it's the most powerful and beautiful thing in the world and despite that it can still feel impossibly difficult at times.
I think it's important to acknowledge this anger but more important than just acknowledge it - it needs to be used. From our conversations today I don't think it's lack of knowing what we want that prevents us from being able to just sail forward, it is fear but I think anger is a good contender for this. Anger has a bad rep, it's seen as such a negative thing but I don't feel this is the whole truth. They say every emotion (bar unfounded guilt) serves us a purpose and in the case of anger I think it's essential for making change. Some incredible feats have been achieved as a result of anger, think Nelson Mandella...
Of course anger comes in two forms - destructive and constructive. I think the anger and frustration we are turning inwardly is destructive but that anger towards our illnesses has the potential to be so constructive it will literal transform our lives - carry us through to where we want to be.
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